Feeling philosophical – work in the grander scheme of life

This was triggered by a chat I had with a colleague.  Just like me, he has been working for a while and spent the last 10 years preoccupied with moving up the career ladder, at the expense of time with loved ones.  It may sound odd to say that it was a sudden realisation but he explained it as, suddenly waking up from a dream to realise that his parents are in their 70s and he has effectively “lost” 10 years of time with them.  Time which neither of us will ever get back.  I know what he means by being in a dream – where my parents don’t grow old or sick and there is closeness to friends, despite not keeping in touch. 

Surely I am not alone in this struggle to balance life and work.  It swings to both extremes, despite my best effort to maintain an equilibrium.  Though I try to live my life without regret but it is easier said than done.  I am however, grateful to have this reflection at a time when my parents are still alive for me to make a difference and friends that matter, are still willing to re-connect.

Adolf Hitler said…

“If you win, you need not explain; but, if you lose, you should not be there to explain.”

Somewhat intimidating and yet, reflective of life.  It is no surprise coming from Adolf Hitler.  This I will not file under my tag – Inspiring Quotes. 

 

Love or Lust

A movie succinctly described the difference between Love and Lust – When you’re in-Love, you want to give (to your lover).  But when you’re in-Lust, you want to take (from your lover).

Brilliant Idea – Masculine smelling Laundry Detergent

Just had an idea – how come there are no masculine smelling detergent?  Detergent and softener all smell like flowers or sea-breeze and that smell ‘radiates’ from the person, wearing clothes that have just been washed in it. 

Imagine a manly man smelling like flowers…. hmm, I guess the remedy is to mask the smell of flowers with perfume, like “Musk” or “Cool Waters”.  Now imagine, if detergent smelt like men’s perfume, that way they don’t have to buy perfume.  And an even better benefit is, it may even encourage more men to do laundry (hooray) and do it correctly. 

I know, some of you reading this might be laughing at the ridiculous idea.  But who knows, maybe men will be more domesticated in time to come and that’s when there may be demand for “Musk” detergent.

The Soloist

I watched this movie, on the flight from Singapore to HK.  In case you’re not familiar with the storyline – its about a chance encounter between a journalist and a homeless cellist, which led to an unlikely friendship.  Both of them received something from that friendship, even though you may think that the weaker one was the homeless guy.  His name is Nathaniel, so I’ll address him as such.    Nathaniel was a gifted musician who enrolled into a prestigious music school, only to drop out before graduating.  He had symptoms typical of schizophrenia – hearing voices in his head.  Instead of getting treatment for it, he chose to live in open space and play his instrument.  And this was how the journalist – Steve – met him. 

The movie dealt with issues of homelessness and people living with mental illness.  There’s a severe lack of understanding of mental illness.  Unlike physical illnes, where we show the ‘evidence’ of being physically ill, with mental illness, it is often all in the mind.  With very little ’evidence’ of  suffering, people afflicted with mental illness are easily brushed off as attention-seeking, weird or lazy.  They are misunderstood at best and ignored, at worst. 

I remembered thinking during the movie, “how did life get so complicated and how easy it is to lose our way in life”.  Somehow it’s as-if, there are more people suffering from mental illness now, compared to say 60 years ago.  Maybe then, there was alot less diagnosis and people just carried on with life.  Perhaps now, with increased awareness and discovery of new mental illnesses (and diagnosis),  more people are coming out to seek treatment.  Although there is more awareness but people who’ve never suffered from mental illness find it hard to empathise.  In most parts of asia, there is still a stigma attached to being diagnosed with mental illness. 

I was deeply moved by the movie because it challenged a few of my preconceived notion about the homeless and lost.  It was enlightening to see self-less people (Lamp Community) dedicate their life to helping the homeless and people with psychological problem as they try to manage as best as they can.  One lesson i learnt from watching the movie is that medication isn’t the only way to treat problems.  Just like the journalist in the movie, I’d wrongly assumed that to help means to force medical diagnosis, wrongly believing that a proper diagnosis would lead to proper medication and a better quality of life.   Maybe in some cases, it will help.  But more often, this help is neither requested nor required.

Again and again, I’m reminded that Acceptance and unconditional friendship is what we need.

There’s got to be more to life than..

• slaving through 10-hour days to have recognition and a paycheck, where the former is rarely given and the latter is never enough
• accumulating wealth and material comforts
•  just praying for peace, instead of starting with our families
• thinking of what to eat for my next meal or stuffing my face in an all-you-can-eat buffet
• rushing to get ahead in the escalator / lift, just to be 1 step infront of me
• allowing our learned prejudices to determine how we view and treat others
• never-ending exploitation of the weak and less-educated

Life has to be more than just about ME and my circle of friends and family.

Christianity and its many branches

I stepped into a cab today that was adorned with many Christian propaganda.  Before I continue, I should say that I am a Christian, which may qualify me to have these opinions.   The driver had put several printed material in the backseat pocket and the headlines that screamed at me were “Tribulation is at hand – Repent”.  Sounds severe, doesn’t it.  I naturally picked it up for a read and the first few sentences put me off. 

The article was basically preaching the gloom and doom of the end of the world, which it says is very near.  It continued to say that when the end of the world comes, Jesus will save his followers, i.e. if non-Christians do not repent and convert, they will perish.  Even as a Christian, I found this article to be shockingly radical and wonder whether it would work to convert non-believers or only put them off Christianity.  

Despite me telling him that I was a Christian, the driver continued to “sell” his church.  I must give him credit for his perseverance and his strong belief.  He gave me several more articles to take-away and invited me to his church.  I’ve read the articles and it was more of the same radical teachings.  As an example, one line in the article said (and I’m paraphrasing) that XXX Church (his church) is the only true church and when the end of the world comes, only those within this church will be saved – typical sect ideology.  

Christianity is about love, kindness, tolerance and acceptance, virtues that are preached by most other religions.  If we have any hope of converting non-believers to our faith, it will be by living these virtues and not by using scare tactics.   And yet, such scare tactics do work.  Radicalism in Islam is an example of how people believing in deviant teaching are inspired to kill others in the name of religion. 

There was a line in the article that I agreed with, which is the many denominations in Christianity are actually different interpretations of the bible, based on man’s ideologies.  What I think is important is not which Christian branch or religion we belong to, rather how we live our Faith.

Singlish – cannot meh?

Am currently in Singapore and happened to tune into a talk-show, discussing the virtues of Singlish.  The panel was made up of 3 gwailos and 2 locals.   The show started off by asking whether singlish is an acceptable language and the locals defended it as useful for communication in Singapore.  The bigger question was whether Singaporeans are able to switch from Singlish back to the Queen’s English, when required.  I speak Manglish, which is similar to Singlish and have no problems switching to proper English when required.  I thought everyone was the same, until I heard one of the locals speak.  Although she spoke with proper grammar and used appropriate words, what gave it away was her accent.  It was thick Singaporean accent!  It was quite a defining moment as I never knew there was a distinctive Singaporean or Malaysian English accent.

One of the gwailo host, who has lived in Singapore for many years, recounted how when he first arrived, he did not understand what language the locals used.  It was English except not the English he knew.  My friends in Hong Kong, have pestered me to speak Manglish just for a good laugh.  It cannot be turned on or off but put me with a fellow Malaysian or Singaporean and it comes out without hesitation.

My mother was an English teacher and pride herself in making sure that her children all spoke proper English.  I thought I spoke proper English, until I moved to Hong Kong.  Others could not understand Manglish, so I was forced to speak proper English (without accent) all the time.  I used the word “forced” because it required effort to pronounce words completely and not resort to short-form or Bahasa, every now and then.   Manglish has mangled the English language, so much so that we have invented words that don’t exist in the Dictionary, like “gostan” or my favorite expression “die-die” (which means, there is no choice it has to be done). 

At the end of the day, language is a means of communication.  If both side understand each other, than the communication was effective.  So when in Singapore, speak Singlish.

Autumn is finally here

She’s late but welcomed no less.  Temperatures has been falling ever so slightly these few days and today, it was below 30′c the whole day.   While walking home earlier, I felt a cool breeze and that’s when I realised that Autumn had arrived.  Meteorologically Autumn starts in September, so she is a month late!  In fact we celebrated Mid-Autum Festival last weekend, still in the heat of summer.

Of the 4 seasons, Autumn is the BEST of them all because we get the coolness without the humidity, hardly any rainfall and no need for the heaters.

Advice on Marriage

I went to Church today and the sermon was on faithfulness.  During the sermon the priest had joked that he had very limited experience in being married (Catholic priest take a vow of celibacy and do not marry) and is probably not able to give an opinion.  However he has counseled many married couples with problems and shared his observation with us.  He thought that the more important factor to a successful marriage is to continue to communicate with your partner.  Maybe this sounds like a no-brainer but I found it thoughtful when he mentioned it.  Our normal reaction when we are upset with our partners is to give the cold treatment (abandonment) or worst, be hostile.  When what we really need to do to limit damage from that situation is to communicate, rationally and closely.  Instead of viewing our partner as the enemy, we should be viewing them as our partner in resolving a situation that hurts us both. 

At the end of his sermon, he prayed that we will continue to love, to communicate and be faithful in making relationships work.  I’d read somewhere that Love is not a feeling but a decision.  Physical attraction may be a feeling but if it is not sustained by mutual respect, confidence and dependence on each other and a strong commitment to work together, those feelings may change.  Feelings are unreliable like that.

I got valuable advice today and though it may surprise some that it came while attending church, I’ve realized that advice is available as long as I’m listening and paying attention.